A Dog Ate My Homework Transcript
Cat: Where? I know I've got it around here somewhere! Dog! Dog, have you seen my ice skates? (Dog shakes his head "No") Cat: What are you eating? (Dog spits out the rest of the ice skates) Cat: I can't believe this. Dog: Found your skates! Cat: Eww.... Dunglap: CatDog! You've got to help me! Dog: What's the matter, Dunglap? Dunglap: I didn't finish my homework, school starts in five minutes Mrs. Grock is going to kill me! Cat: Oh, Mrs. Grock! Wasn't she the one with the ruler? Dunglap: That's her, but she uses a whip now! I'd give anything to get out of this fix! Cat: I smell genius! (Laughing) Mr. D, worry no more, for the small fee of 25 simoleons all your problems will be solved! Money back guarantee. Dunglap: You sure this will work? Cat: Never you mind. On your merry way Dunglap, my boy. Toddle off to school and leave everything to me! Dog, I've had another one of my brilliant ideas! Dog: Oh, boy! Mrs. Grock: Time to turn in your homework! And you'd better have it...or else! Dunglap: That darn cat, ripped me off! 25 bucks down the drain. Mrs. Grock: Dunglap, where's your homework? Dunglap: Uh...um... Mrs. Grock: Looks like someone is going to be whipped... and expelled. Dunglap: It's, um.... Dog: Hi ho diggety! (Dog jumps into the classroom from the open window and eats Dunglap's homework) Dunglap: A dog ate my homework! Mrs. Grock: Now that's an excuse! How about I give.... (Cuts paper into A+) (Kids cheering) Dunglap: All right! (Phones ringing) Cat: A dog ate it inc. hold, please. Dog ate it, Hablamos espanol. Dog ate it, I think he could eat that. (Laughing) Dog, we hit the jackpot! Man: (With a french accent) Attention students, time for the souffle special. Excellent job on your homework. Kid: A dog ate my homework! (Orchestra playing) Man: (with a german accent) Wunderbar! You all did your homework! Aah! (Orchestra stops playing) Boy: A dog ate my homework! (Others cheering) Teacher: Homework is now due! Boy: A dog ate my homework! Cat: Dog, we're rich! Look at this collection of franklins! 100, 200, 300. Mr. Franklin, you are one good-looking guy. Dog: Cat... Cat: What? What? Dog: I was thinking, shouldn't people do their homework? Cat: Not if they have a good excuse. Dog: Oh! (Helicopter whirring above) Cat: Did you hear that? Guard: Area secured-bring out the president. Rancid: Okay, here's the deal. I didn't do my homework for this big state of the union speech so i need your help. All I've got so far is "Four score and seven years ago." What do you think? It feels like it's been done before. Dog: You didn't do your homework, Mr. President? Rancid: Oh, it's those darn video games--I'm hooked on them. Cat: It will be an honor to help you, Mr. President. Rancid': I'll pay you bug bucks. So what? Next year we cut back on the schools and hospitals. (Cat sniffing a bag of money) Rancid: See you tomorrow at the capitol. Be on time, or you'll do time. (Helicopter whirring) Cat: Dog, now we've really hit the jackpot. Dog: Cat, I feel weird. My paws are sweaty and my throat is dry and I feel nauseous. Cat: All right, fine, fine. Let me see, uh... Ooh! (laughing) Probably just too much homework, but you can't get sick now--you've got my biggest job of the year coming up. Mr. Sunshine: This dog is 100% a-okay. Dog: but I feel so bad, doctor. Cat: He said you're fine. Come on, let's go. Mr. Sunshine: Of course, it could be a moral crisis. Something bothering you? Conscience troubles? Dog: Uh... now that you mention it... Cat: Thanks, Dog, I'm late, too bad I have to go. I have a date with the president. Mr. Sunshine: Who doesn't? Randolph: Hello world. The commander in chief is about to make his most important speech ever, and I love it. Rancid: Where is that mangy mutt? Guard: Not here, sir. And you have to go on. Rancid: Testing, testing. (Feedback whines) Rancid: One, two, three, (Blows) uh, four, (Laughs nervously) uh, five... six... seven... Mary had a little lamb. Eight. Dog: Are we doing a good thing, Cat? If people don't do their homework how will they get smarterer? Cat: Dog, Dog, Dog. The world needs stupid people. They're like society's glue. You know, stupid glue. Rancid: 303, 304, 305... Crowd: Speech, speech, speech! Rancid: All right, all right. Four score and seven years ago... (Booing loudly) Lady: We've already heard it! Rancid: Okay. How about five score and six years ago? (Crowd boos angrily) Rancid: Well, then... (Singing) Tea for two and two for tea. (Booing continues) Rancid: (Still singing) Tea for two and two for tea. Man: This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen a president do. Another Man: You're, uh... new here, right? Guard: CatDog at two o'clock. Cat: Coming through! Excuse me! Make way! Rancid: Oh, thank goodness! now it's time for my speech. Got it right here, see? Dog: Cat, I don't think I can do this. Cat: Well, then don't think, just eat. Dog: No, I quit! My homework eating days are over. Cat: Dog, Dog! Do it for the President. Do it for the country. Do it for the money. Dog: No, no and no! Rancid: Come on, come on. Come on! (Crowd shouting) Cat: If you want something done right, you got to do it yourself. (Crash, crowd quiets) Cat: (Munching noisily, gagging, gulping) Aah! Oh, man. Rancid: A cat ate my homework. (Cricket chirping amid stillness) Man: A cat? That's no excuse! Woman: Cats don't eat homework! Man: You're crazy! (crowd jeering) (loud kick) (CatDog screaming) Cat: Can you believe that? He cheats, and we're the ones that get thrown out. (kick) Rancid: What? What? Wha...? Ow! Cat: Makes you proud to be a citizen. Dog: Well, I hope you learned your lesson, cheaters never prosper. Rancid: Real good work, boys. I was this close to achieving world peace. Oh, well. Back to clown school. 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